woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
