my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pants are for mortals
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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