You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
