Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
