You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
