The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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