After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
