I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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