you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
