You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
