Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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