Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
