Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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