she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
