there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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