No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
