Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
