Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
