There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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