he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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