party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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