theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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