apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
