just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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