Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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