Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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