Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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