she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
