you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
