You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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