weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
