its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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