I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
