I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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