I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize