R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
