Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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