dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
