i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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