I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
