Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
