im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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