You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize