Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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