why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
