I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
