i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
