Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
