Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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