dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
