just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
