can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
