I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
