We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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