Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
