careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
