So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When did angry sex become our thing?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
