omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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