Im at strip club and am horny
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
