she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
