in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This is the high leading the old right now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
