I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
