I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
