Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
