Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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