i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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